I had just lost my mom and 10 year old brother, about a year later suddenly my step brother and his girlfriend too. I called my dad crying and told him what happened. He asked me what made me sad the most about losing my brother. I told him that there were things I wanted to say to him. My dad told me to believe that my step brother could hear me and to go ahead and tell him everything that was on my heart and while I was at it try to talk with his girlfriend too. I felt foolish, but it did make me feel better. I walked outside (I felt uncomfortable doing it in my house) and look straight out into the backyard and believed he was there and could hear me. Later, as I was driving I decided to talk with his girlfriend, Samantha who I had only met once; the night they died. I asked Samantha, "What do you want me to tell your parents?" knowing I'd never see them... A thought came into my head and said, "That I love them and I am ok." Skeptical, I said, "Well...that is what I would want to say to my family too, but how will they know that it is you and not just a thought I made up?" knowing that Samantha was an only child I was confused when I became overwhelmed with an emotion of urgent love for biological brothers. Specifically male, this love I could relate having my own biological brothers and sisters. I said ok and that was the end of that. I called my mother-in-law and asked her if Samantha had any brothers or sisters. The result was inconclusive, but assumed no. I had the opportunity to go early to Samantha's viewing and felt a strong and urgent desire to be there. I was told her family would not be present but we could pay our last respects to her. When we arrived I learned that her mother was there and my heart flew up into my throat. I had two choices. 1) I could pay my respects and leave and never have to think of this again, but always wonder what could have been or 2) I could face my fears and tell Samantha's mom that I thought I had spoken to her daughter and relay her message. After painful deliberation I decided I may never see them again and no matter what, if it were my daughter I would want to know. I gathered the courage to approach her mom and asked if I could speak with her in private. I was terrified. What if she didn't believe me? What if she thought I was a horrible person and why would I say such a thing to her? But I had made up my mind and I told her. The only trouble was, I was so scared that I spoke so softly she had to ask me to repeat myself! Again, I mustered up the strength to look her in the chin and tell her my story. When I looked up at her she had tears in her eyes. "Oh crap!" I told myself...and I wondered if she would be angry. A man came to her side and took a protective posture over her. She looked at him and back at me and asked me to tell him what I had just told her. For a third time I told him my story, this time able to look both of them in the eyes. Without missing a beat, Samantha's mom introduced the man as one of Samantha's many brothers. I had assumed she was an only child because of her characteristics, but it was because she was not only the only girl in her immediate family, but also the only girl in our whole generation for her family. Countless cousins, all male gave Samantha the characteristics of an only child. Samantha's mom continued to explain that she had prayed and begged God for someone, anyone to just tell her something. She just needed to know that her daughter was ok.
That day I made a choice. We are all given choices every single day and we are the only ones who can use what we have to help others, even if it is just to bring peace and comfort for a moment. Will you have the courage to face the odds and walk in the truth?
Please feel free to email me with your stories and I will post them on here (you may remain anonymous if you'd like). Also become a follower and post comments on the stories and feel free to share your stories that way as well. There are so many people who need to know they are not alone and are trying to understand what they are dealing with. Keep Asking. -Britt
No comments:
Post a Comment